YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize