So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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