I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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