Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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