Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
