Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
