How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
