I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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