Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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