I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
