hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
