haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
