Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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