Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize