I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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