I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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