My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
