I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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