I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
