I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
