Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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