I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
