my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
