I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
