My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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