so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
