One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
