found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
