We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
