super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
