so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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