I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
