Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
