Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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