Define "chronic" masturbator.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
