His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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