i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
