In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
