Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
