Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize