i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
