the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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