I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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