Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
