the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
