I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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