Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize