I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
