Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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