holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
