Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize