4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
