happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
