highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
