it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
