I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
