Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
