btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
