I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
