I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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