I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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