one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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