I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize