oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
