I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
