I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
