I molested 6 butterflies tonight
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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