i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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