Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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