Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
