we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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