Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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