maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
